


its a mess (aka i had to much free time on my hands)

by writingismypoison



Series: memers on ice [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Don't Try This At Home, F/M, Group chat, Hell, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Memes, Multi, Mutual Pining, Overusing the ™ Sign, Pining, Texting, Yuuri is an edgelord, also so kids don't freak out about otayuri, and more memes, conspiracy: sala stole michele's phone, dont read this trash, everyone is meme trash, kids being kids, phichit's a little shit, so be gentle, texting logs, yuuri is done with everyone's shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8872528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingismypoison/pseuds/writingismypoison
Summary: cancer and memes wanted to have a child, so the internet volunteered itself as the surrogate mother. they had this fic, and here we are now.---DONTTOUCHSARA: do weed brownies work in space? @viktortiny angry ice son: whaT THE ACTUAL FUCK?tiny angry ice son: iTs 4 iN tHe mOrNiNg anD yOu’rE aSkinG iF YoU caN gEt HiGh iN spAce?DONTTOUCHSARA: pretty much famone dad wonder: @mickey yes, you can get high in space. too bad they wouldn't let me go up there. I would def test it for youofficial mom friend: is life an oven because I am done---Basically it's a gc fic that now has plot?? Not only memes??? So texting format with a bit of irl stuffs happening starting at chap 7





	1. flame war got too real, timezones are timezones, and viktor gives sound advice

\---  
 **Ayyyo** added nikki, tiny angry ice son, yuuuuri, and JJ the king™ to the group chat ‘friends’

**Ayyyo:** there

**Ayyyo:** we are all here

**tiny angry ice son:** phichit wtf is this

**yuuuuri:** literal hell

**Ayyyo:** rood

**Ayyyo:** frends i have gathered you here so we could talk 

**Ayyyo:** even if we are *competing* all over the world

**Ayyyo:** because I care abuot us all

**yuuuuri:** someone save me 

**Ayyyo:** no guys pls give me a chnace

**nikki:** don't worry I'll stay 

**Ayyyo:** bless

**jj the king™:** shit up I'm trying to go to sleep

**Ayyyo:** shit up

**tiny angry ice son:** shit up

**jj the king™:** well fuck me

**tiny angry ice son:** no thanks I'll pass

**Ayyyo:** savagery level has increased

**nikki:** why is jj here he hurt my son

**nikki:** don't worry bb yurio I'll protect you

**tiny angry ice son:** if I ask for a restraining order do you think they'll give me one? 

**tiny angry ice son:** I'm nOt yoUr goDdAmn soN fFs

**yuuuuri:** it's 1am and I'm trying to

**yuuuuri:** s l e e p

_yuuuuri has left the chat_

_nikki added yuuuuri back to the chat_

**Ayyyo:** no one leaves

**Ayyyo:** ever

**tiny angry ice son:** i never did anything bad in life

**tiny angry ice son:** why am I being punished 

**Ayyyo:** rood(kinky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

**Ayyyo:** but anyways

**Ayyyo:** guys

**Ayyyo:** I have something to confess

**Ayyyo:** you know those pictures I took of yurio the day we went to the duck park?

**Ayyyo:** I may or may not have posted the one with you kissing that duck today

**yuuuuri:** share or it didn't happen

_Ayyyo has sent [duckface.jpg]_

**yuuuuri:** when did this happen?

**tiny angry ice son:** phichit you little shit 

_Ayyyo has changed their name to littleshit_

**tiny angry ice son:** i will smash your face with your own skull

**jj the king™:** are we just going to ignore the fact that that isn't physically possible or

**nikki:** violence is not the answer

**yuuuuri:** can we maybe just go to sleep already?

**littleshit:** no let's all stay up till 3

**yuuuuri:** but sleep

**littleshit:** ssssssssh

**nikki:** DON’T FUCK TREES

**nikki:** AND EGGS ARE THE DEVIL INCARNATE

**littleshit:** makes snese

**littleshit:** *physisisisics*

**yuuuuri:** how to mute chat?

**tiny angry ice son:** one of life's biggest questions

**nikki:** I cnat believe it 

**nikki:** betrayed by my *coachee* and *son*

**nikki:** i expected this from yurio but yuuri? How could u betray?

**nikki:** how can I go on in life?

**yuuuuri:** omL YURIO ITS THE BUTTON IN THE CORNER

**yuuuuri:** GOOGLE IS MY ONLY FRIEND

**tiny angry ice son:** I could've left this chat before it started

**tiny angry ice son:** regret

**littlshit:** I will never create a successful chat :’(

**nikki:** don't woRRY pHiCHiT I HAVE IDEA

**tiny angry ice son:** wow surprised i thought nothing went on in ur brain

**littleshit:** wow the shots getting fired sound kind of like fireworks, dont you think yurio?

_nikki has added King-Kong, the lion, (secret) meme trash, and DONTTOUCHSARA to ‘friends’_

**tiny angry ice son:** how does adding more people fix this mess of a group chat?

_yuuuuri has changed the name of the chat to ‘the mess™’_

**littleshit:** having more people to torment talk to makes life easier

**king-kong:** HeYo who else is here?

**yuuuuri:** not me

**nikki:** IM HERE AND IM QUEER

**tiny angry ice son:** itS TOO GODDAMN EARLY FOR YOUR GAY SHIT, VIKTOR

**nikki:** but it's 2:00am in Japan 

**nikki:** which means it's 4:00am in Russia

**tiny angry ice son:** AM VIKTOR AM

**tiny angry ice son:** I rest my case 

**the lion:** well it's 10 AM OVER HERE SO MAYBE IF WE ALL JUST SHOT UP?

**littleshit:** shot up like columbine 

**the lion:** I'm never going to be able to sleep in peace, will I?

**jj the king™:** they won't shut up, so no

**tiny angry ice son:** you're one to speak 

**tiny angry ice son:** mr imthebest@everythingletmeyellthatoutallthefuckingtime

**nikki:** ooooh

**yuuuuri:** and so the flame war started, and yuuri became deceased

**jj the king™:** at least I don't have literal teenage angst flowing through my veins

**the lion:** I still think it's way too early for this shit but these shots are just

**littleshit:** damn straight

**tiny angry ice son:** well I'm not the one that has to repeatedly tell myself that *I'm* a king, because we all know that your self-esteem was pretty low as a child. I mean, you tell EVERYONE you meet that you are the best and no normal person, who was raised perfectly fine I might add, would do that. Talk about an inferiority complex. Btw your fiancée is totally a slut and she's cheating on you behind your back. Sucks to be you. But she could totally do much better, imo.

**nikki:** …

**littleshit:** …

**the lion:** …

**yuuuuri:** ….

**king-kong:** ….

_jj the king™ has left the chat_

**nikki:** um I think we broke jj

**littleshit:** I was not prepared for that

**the lion:** none of us were

**king-kong:** repressing issues, yurio?

**tiny angry ice son:** well fuck me in the ass for getting in my competitors ‘feelings’

**yuuuuri:** yeah I'm not doing this anymore 

**yuuuuri:** I might talk to y'all in the morning? But maybe I'll commit to so yeah

_yuuuuri: has muted the chat_

**littleshit:** when did yuuri become this sassy edgy teenager?

**nikki:** I was going to ask the same thing???maybe he's spending too much with yurio??

**littleshit:** sounds fake but okay

**tiny angry ice son:** I was going to be offended but that actually sounds legit

**tiny angry ice son:** maybe I'm just so like yeah that sounds 100%

_tiny angry ice son has muted the chat_

**the lion:** yeah I'm actually going back to bed too

_the lion has muted the chat_

**nikki:** and then there was 3

_king-Kong has muted the chat_

**nikki:** nvm just 2

**(secret) meme trash:** actually I've been here the whole time

**(secret) meme trash:** I just never inserted myself into the convo because I'm too gr9 for this

**littleshit:** who is you again?

**nikki:** Seung-Gil

**littleshit:** lmao you're funny seriously though who? because s-g is so serious he acts like he has a stick shoved up his ass and he would never say that

**nikki:** ummm

**(secret) meme trash:** …

**(secret) meme trash:** okay you have to admit that is true about me OTL

**littleshit:** oh shit it really is you

**littleshit:** well f uc k this

**littleshit:** it just got awkward so byeYO

_littleshit has left the chat_

**nikki:** yeah I'm going to go cuddle with yuuri 

**nikki:** bye kiddos STAY SAFE USE PROTECTION WEAR A HELMET AND REMEMBER MY ADVICE *physics*

_nikki has muted the chat_

**(secret)meme trash:** I'll always be alone

**(secret)meme trash:** there's no one to say bye to anyways 

**(secret)meme trash:** but bye

_(secret) meme trash has muted the chat_


	2. allstaring, ft edgy memes and pining madness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the pining™ starts
> 
> oh yeah I forgot to make myself clear  
> yuuuuri/official mom friend- katsuki yuuri  
> nikki/one dad wonder- viktor  
> tiny angry ice son- yuri p  
> ayyyo/littleshit-phichit  
> jj the king™ is pretty self explanatory  
> king-Kong- guang-hong ji  
> the lion- Leo  
> DONTTOUCHSARA- Michele(or is it Sara???)  
> minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko is also v self explanatory  
> MARIjuana as well  
> chrissyteigen- Chris  
> illchickenyournugget- minami  
> otaBEKA- otabek  
> Emilio- Emil(even though he isn't in this chapter)-
> 
> I think that's all?? But I might be wrong so sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this quicker becuase i got such good reception for the first chapter! Also sometimes there just isn't enough memes out there
> 
> first link is a real video   
> second is a reference to one of my fandoms, voltron. Also ITS A FAKE LINK
> 
> don't do drugs, kiddos

**littleshit:** https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=L_jWHffIx5E

 **DONTTOUCHSALA:** wow g8 song 100% love the dankness 10/10

 **littleshit:** too many fresh and edgy memes in one sentence so I'm jsut going to repress

 **tiny angry ice son:** oh my fuck not this meme

 **nikki:** watch your profanity

 **tiny angry ice son:** fuck you mom

 **nikki:** ...

 **tiny angry ice son:** ...

 **yuuuuri:** …

 **littleshit:** did he just

 **yuuuuri:** I think he did

 **nikki:** SCREENSHOTED

 **nikki:** TIT LE: FIRST TIME YURIO ADMITTED IM HIS MOM

 **tiny angry ice son:** can I just kms now or?? because he's never letting me live this down??

_nikki has changed their name to ‘proud mother’_

**tiny angry ice son:** my point exactly 

**littleshit:** but lbr yuuri is the mom in their relationship 

**proud mother:** shit u rite

_proud mother has changed their name to ‘one dad wonder’_

**one dad wonder:** yuuuuuuurri change your name so we can match

_yuuuuri has changed their name to ‘official mom friend’_

**official mom friend:** the things I do for you, victor

 **one dad wonder:** <3 love you

 **official mom friend:** love you too 

**tiny angry ice son:** okay yeah no save your gay shit for sickening romantic hour. 2-5 closed on tuewsdays

 **the lion:** guys it's closed on tuewsdays 

**littleshit:** tuewsdays

 **tiny angry ice son:** fml this has to be bullying

 **littleshit:** anywho, I realized who our chat is missing!

 **littleshit:** minami and Chris ofc

_littleshit has added ‘illchickenyournugget’ and ‘chrissyteigen’ to the chat ‘the mess™’_

**illchickenyournugget:** hi! 

**king-Kong:** why chicken nuggets though? why not maple syrup?

 **tiny angry ice son:** because maple syrup reminds us of JJ and we don't like him, do we, Minami?

 **illchickenyournugget:** atually, its because I love hikens, but sure

 **illchickenyournugget:** whatever lets u sleep at night

 **tiny angry ice son:** what’s wrong with your keyboard?

 **Illchickenyournugget:** the “see“ key doesnt work

 **littleshit:** omFG I JUST REMEMBERED 

**littleshit:** GUTS

 **littleshit:** I FOUND A QUIZ THAT TELLS YOU WHICH ICE SKATER YOU WOULD BE MOST COMPATIBLE WITH

 **littleshit:** http://m.quiznakingquizzes.com/sports=iCe15794fhY

 **littleshit:** TAKE IT NOW 

**one dad wonder:** I GOT YUURI

 **one dad wonder:** omfg that's how you know we are soulmates! eeeh 

**king-kong:** I got ... Leo?!?!!1?

 **the lion:** ….

 **littleshit:** omfg my other otp

 **littleshit:** I knew there was a reason I woke up early today

 **tiny angry ice son:** that quiz is probably messed up 

**littleshit:** why? who did you get?

 **tiny angry ice son:** nope not telling

 **tiny angry ice son:** swiftly moving on yuuri who did u get?

 **official mom friend:** I got myself 

**official mom friend** : and I'm just questioning my whole existence like??? why are we here? is there a god? will i win gold again next season? will there even be a next season???

 **the lion:** this is an existential crisis free zone™

_one dad wonder renamed this chat ‘ the existential crisis free zone™’_

**one dad wonder:** looks like we'll be needing Minako after all

_one dad wonders has added minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko to ‘the existential crisis free zone™’_

**minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** where the hell am I? who are you?

 **one dad wonder:** it is me, Viktor, your eldest son

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** I assumed as much

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** wait

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** pls tell me this is a group chat w/ all the other ice skaters because ISTG IM HYPERVENTILATING 

**minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** I WROTE FIC ABOUT THIS WITH MARI

_minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko has added MARIjuana to ‘the existential crisis free zone™’_

**MARIjuana:** OMFG

_littleshit has deleted MARIjuana and minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko from ‘the existential crisis free zone™’_

**littleshit:** no offense yuuri but those two are just, what's the term in Japanese? Otakus? Yeah no we have a problem with that

 **official mom friend** : I get it, but it's not me you should apologize to. Viktor is pouting that you deleted people HE added

 **nikki:** I tried making this place better! But noooo no one wants to accept the fact that I helped

 **king-kong:** I still want to know who yurio got

 **littleshit:** same

 **littleshit:** waIT OH MY FUCK

 **official mom friend:** what is it now phichit?

 **tiny angry ice son** : so you don't say anything about him cursing but-

**tiny angry ice son: fuck you phichit(note*)**

**///**

**_**pm between tiny angry ice son and littleshit** _ **

**littleshit:** wait did you get otabek?

 **tiny angry ice son:** …

 **littleshit:** OMG you did, didn't you?

 **tiny angry ice son:** … if you tell the others I will personally slit your throat

 **tiny angry ice son:** me and him are just riends and I don't want you guys meddling to ruin that 

**littleshit:** you really like him, don't you?

 **tiny angry ice son:** …

 **tiny angry ice son:** if you call having a crush for the past six months a lot then yeah

 **tiny angry ice son:** according to katsudon, I was pining harder than Pine-Sol 

**littleshit:** WAIT YUURI _KNEW_ BEFORE _ME_?

 **tiny angry ice son:** yeah, he's known for months now

 **littleshit:** well I'm pissed

 **littleshit:** this calls for a talk with Viktor 

**tiny angry ice son:** YOU CNAT TELL HlM

 **littleshit:** no, it's something else

 **littleshit:** I'll do it on the group chat to ease ur mind

///

**_‘the existential crisis free zone™’_ **

**one dad wonder:** so that's how I wasn't chosen for the next trip to space

 **littleshit:** wait what?

 **littleshit:** never mind that vikTOR MINARI CANT HAPPEN

 **one dad wonder:** wAit wHy ThE fUcK noT?

 **one dad wonder:** you KnOw tHaT’S mY OtP

 **DONTTOUCHSALA:** if you knew that about me how could you say that? like you know how I feel about that

 **king-kong:** It’s Time to Stop™

 **(secret) meme trash:** this place has more memes then my shit posting blog on tumblr

 **official mom friend:** S T O P

 **official mom friend:** three things

 **official mom friend:** 1) viktor, minari was never going to happen I told u that multiple times. 2) Michele you arent meme trash bc I know that you aren't like that so stop going on his phone sala. 3) OMFG PHICHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT OUR ICE SKATING FREND AND YURIO BECAUSE I JUST SHIP THAT SO HAD LIKE MMM JUST IMAGINE IT THATS MY OTPPPPP

 **DONTTOUCHSALA:** you caNT PROVE ANYTHING

 **tiny angry ice son:** yeah I'm right here u know

 **the lion:** new phone who dis

 **official mom friend:** sToP w/ tHe memEs

 **one dad wonder:** yeah I'm officially lost and like im v sure that 90% of us are too like maybe you guys can share the gossip?

 **tiny angry ice son:** no

 **official mom friend:** no

 **littleshit:** no

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** yutobek

 **littleshit:** how the fUCK DID SHE COME BACK?

 **official mom friend:** VIKTOR 

**the lion:** viktor

 **DONTTOUCHSALA:** viKcY

 **official mom friend:** more importantly, how does she know!

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko:** the walls have eyes

 **MARIjuana:** thanks to that, i owe mina 500 YEN LIKE??? I FEEL SO BETRAYED

 **tiny angry ice son:** YoU guYs bEt abOut thIs?

 **minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko** um yeah, who wouldn't

 **otaBEKA:** hey what crackalacking?

 **tiny angry ice son:** i am deceased

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (note)- he gets a notification for the pm from phichit. That's why he's pissed, because he knows he has been discovered


	3. all the reveals, wedding planning, and phichits's crops are flourishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> third time I HAS to re-write the whole thing beCAUSE NO ONE TOLD ME AO3 DIDNT SAVE YOR DRAFTS. that's why the formatting is off.
> 
> minami being demisexual is a head-cannon I can get behind. 
> 
> milaLA- mila
> 
> ALSO THANK GOD THERE ISNT THAT MANY MEMES IN HERE. Michele(or is it sala??) was gone for the most part
> 
> Hope you enjoy your steaming pile of trash before you

tiny angry ice son: hI OTabEk, hoW aRe yOu doiNg?

official mom friend: yeah I see that this was a mistake now

one dad wonder: what is happening?

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: pining

one dad wonder: pining? as in the tree?

official mom friend: pining as in it's Christmas and our son is cleaning the floor with pine-sol and has those car things that look like trees in his hair

littleshit: he's being sarcastic. He's talking about yuri's crush 

one dad wonder: wait our sON BAS A CRUUSH ANDD I WASNT TOLD ABOUT ITT FIRST?

otaBEKA: ooh a crush yuri? on who?

official mom friend: ummmm

littleshit: yeah ummm 

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: ...Minami 

illchickenyournugget: um what? I thought he had a rush on otabek 

chrissyteigen: rt

the lion: rt

king-Kong: rt 

littleshit:#EXPOSED 

tiny angry ice son: LIeS. sorry minami but I'm not into you 

illchickenyournugget: good beause I was thinking of ways to let you down easy. im demisexual 

one dad wonder: and just like that, viktor's otp went down harder then the titanic, viktor going down with it

MARIjuana: wait minami just came out to us and you guys don't care?

official mom friend: will you ever not be dramatic? 

king-Kong: it's supposed to be symbolic. Nothing changed between us, so we move on because we're close like that. Something as frivolous as orientation won't change that.

one dad wonder: excuse you? I'll have you know that being dramatic is a very charming trait. right, chris?

chrissyteigen: ofc, my bff. It's the 100% best way to announce things

one dad wonder: speaking of announcing things, I have something to say

one dad wonder: me and yuuri are getting married next month

tiny angry ice son: I CALLED IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT. COUGH IT UP GUANG-HONG

king-Kong: ugh what's your paypal?

the lion: this is why I don't bet on things with yuri

(secret) meme trash: or maybe just don't get in general

littleshit: i call being yuuri's best man 

chrissyteigen: viktor's

official mom friend: btw yuri you'll be a groomsmen, along with otabek. We've had this planned out for months. originally you were supposed to be a ring bearer, but minami would be better at it. also pinesol

tiny angry ice son: ugh I hate you guys

one dad wonder: guang-hong and Leo, would you guys be willing to be groomsmen as well? 

tiny angry ice son: wait why do you ask them but not me or otabek?

one dad wonder: you are our son. You are 100% obligated to be there. As for otabek, well, I'm pretty sure he'll do it if he's partnered with you

otaBEKA: that is true

milaLA: yuri is now blushing while cursing otabek for being so 'damn cute' under his breath

tiny angry ice son: LiEs. AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?

milaLA: I have my ways. Also, vitya can I be the person who says the "you may kiss the bride" thing?

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: nO BITCH I ALREADY CALLED THAT

milaLA: but you didn't 

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: did I fucking stutter?

milaLA: fine, but I am def walking viktor down the aisle. I count as his dad now. 

official mom friend: this is why I said we should wait, viktor

one dad wonder: yeah, you were right

official mom friend: aren't I always though?

(secret) meme trash: I was wondering where the savagery and memeage was. then I realized that Michele was gone

littleshit: *sara

the lion: but it's michele

littleshit: I will prove that it was sara one day. then y'all will regret the day you challenged the word of PHICHIT

tiny angry ice son: tone it down. you were starting to sound like jj. Also if I ever HERE phichit saying y'all again, I might just commit.

littleshit: my skin is clear, my crops are flourishing yuuri has stopped acting like a sassy teen w/ a tumblr blog(no offense s-g) and all is right with the world

jj the king™: YOUR KING HAS COME BACK

tiny angry ice son, official mom friend, one dad wonder, littleshit, the lion, king-Kong, MARIjuana, minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko, chrissyteigen, milaLA, illchickenyournugget, DONTTOUCHSALA, and otaBEKA have left the chat 'the existential crisis free zone™'

 


	4. yuri sneaking off, the Mona Lisa™, and leoji's feelings get sorted*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *kind of
> 
> HeYo baEyos!  
> It's ya boi wc, back at it again with the dank memes!  
> actually no sorry
> 
> EPISODE 12 KILLED ME  
> who wants to scream about it with me in the comments section?
> 
> also, I realized it would be easier on me to not format it, as I have to format it twice before I can post. So it gets chapters out quicker and is easier on me. Win-Win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while listening to Set It Off's Duality, so that should say something about this.
> 
> Contains  
> -Me ignoring time differences  
> -OOC Otabek (but really he's only like that for a little bit)  
> -Yuri collecting receipts   
> -and Leoji???

DONTTOUCHSARA: do weed brownies work in space? @viktor

tiny angry ice son: whaT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

tiny angry ice son: iTs 4 iN tHe mOrNiNg anD yOu’rE aSkinG iF YoU caN gEt HiGh iN spAce?

DONTTOUCHSARA: pretty much fam

one dad wonder: @mickey yes, you can get high in space. too bad they wouldn't let me go up there. I would def test it for you

official mom friend: is life an oven because I am done

littleshit: and suddenly teenager yuuri came back

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: why are all of you guys up at 4?

DONTTOUCHSARA: *whispers* time difference

official mom friend: look at minako, asking all the real questions

jj the king: go to SLEEP, GODDAMNIT

DONTTOUCHSARA: *whispers* it's 1pm in canada

tiny angry ice son: for once, I agree with jj

one dad wonder: oh shit, this must be serious then

milaLA: I now see why yuri is always so tired.

milaLA: originally we thought he was sleeping with otabek  
  
tiny angry ice son: … I don't know what to feel about this

milaLA: but now I see that this has been keeping you up

littleshit: im cackling

otaBEKA: … actually I can see this happening

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: phichit cackling or you sleeping with yuri?

otaBEKA: both

littleshit: please just go out already

littleshit: then I'll win the bet with s-g and you two will find true love

the lion: you guys seriously need to stop betting

tiny angry ice son: go to SLEEP

otaBEKA: is this the appropriate time to say that ‘YOU AREN'T MY MOM’

otaBEKA: I'm saying it anyways

littleshit: but he is your daddy

tiny angry ice son: FUCK YOU, PHICHIT

  
**(later in the day)(like noon)**

  
littleshit: l o o k at t h i s

 

_littleshit has shared an image [ketchup.png]_

 

king-kong: is that the Mona Lisa? why is it red?

littleshit: but it ISNT

littleshit: seung-Gil drew it and IM JUST DONE BECAUSE he's SUCH a GOOD artist

littleshit: WITH KETCHUP

littleshit: AND I HATE KETCHUP

tiny angry ice son: why are you with s-g? didn't you have some personal vendetta against him or some shit?

littleshit: if you scroll up, you will remember that I insulted him right in front of him. Well I was feeling bad, and he was near, so I invited him out to lunch

illchickenyournugget: wait what?

 

_littleshit has shared a screenshot[awkward.png]_

 

littleshit: yeah, turns out he isn't as big of an asshole as I thought he was

(secret) meme trash: wow thanks I feel so appreciated

 

_(secret) meme trash has changed their name to not an asshole_

 

not an asshole: and it wasn't even that good of a drawing. I just was ignoring phichit because he was ranting, searched it up on my phone and traced it with a greasy fry

littleshit: rood. I do NOT rant

not an asshole: yes you do

littleshit: yes I do

one dad wonder: eeeh you two are so cute! I'm a sucker for rivals to friends to lover stories!

not an asshole: but we aren't even dating

one dad wonder: yet

tiny angry ice son: finally, something I can blackmail phichit on

tiny angry ice son: I'm collecting receipts fyi

milaLA: YUROTCHKA PLISETKKYHDJE YAKOV HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR UOU FOR OVER AN HOUR

tiny angry ice son: idc I'm not going back

milaLA: if you dONT GET YOUR ASSA BACK HERE TO THE RINK IN 15 MINUTES, ILL FUCKNGI STAB A BITC

tiny angry ice son: assa/bitc/fuckngi

milaLA: YOU LITTLE *expletives in Russian* VIKTOR, YUURI, GET YOUR SON UNDER CONTROL FFS

tiny angry ice son: why do you need me there anyway?

milaLA: yakov is yelling at everyone and it's irritating all of us to no end, so are you getting your sorry gay ass back here and stop sneaking off to fuck otabek?

tiny angry ice son: yeah yeah whatever I'm coming I'm coming

tiny angry ice son: AND ME AND OTABEK ARE NOT DATING! OR HAVING SEX! HES LIKE 2000 MILES AWAY OR SOME SHIT

littleshit: *phone sex

littleshit: also, has anyone noticed that both Leo and Guang-Hong are not here?

illchickenyournugget: oooh what do you think they're doing? WAIT

illchickenyournugget: DO YOU THINK THEY ARE HAVING A SLEEPOVER TOGETHER AND I WASNT INVITED?

littleshit: omfg you are so pure and innocent minami I'm adopting you

one dad wonder: nope, sorry, he's already in mine and yuuri’s family

littleshit: when did you even call him?

one dad wonder: right after I realized Plinami wasn't happening

littleshit: fair enough. your ship sinks, you adopt him as your son. happens all the time

one dad wonder: I don't know if he’s being sarcastic or not

king-kong: the real question is, why isn't anyone disturbed that phichit and viktor are claiming people?

illchickenyournugget: GUANG-HONG! are you and Leo having a sleepover without me?

the lion: we’re not even with each other right now

the lion: i was on a date 

littleshit: ..

one dad wonder:

official mom friend:

tiny angry ice son: I can't believe you just said that. like even I'm not that dense

the lion: what did I do wrong?

tiny angry ice son: I got this

 

**_pm between the lion and tiny angry ice son_ **

 

tiny angry ice son: you don't even know what you did wrong?

the lion: I don't know why you guys reacted that way

tiny angry ice son: you went on a date

tiny angry ice son: with someone other then guang-hong

tiny angry ice son: and told us while he was RIGHT THERE

the lion: I don't see the probl- ooooooohh

the lion: wait

the lion: guang-hong likes me?

tiny angry ice son: you're acting just like the pig when he was pining after viktor

the lion: HE likes ME?

tiny angry ice son: I thought we were over here this

the lion: I always thought he was straight

tiny angry ice son: oh mY FUCKING GOD

tiny angry ice son: aRe yoU reaLly thIs deNSe?

the lion: don't get me wrong, I wanted to date him

the lion: I guess my gaydar wasn't on or something

tiny angry ice son: yeah I'm going back to the gc

tiny angry ice son: even they aren't this dense or weird

tiny angry ice son: alsoitookascreenshotbecauseineedmorerecieptsthenphichityeahokaybye

 

**_the existential crisis free zone™_ **

 

one dad wonder: so that's why I think that spaceships are actually time machines

tiny angry ice son: wut? nvm i dotn want to knw

 

_tiny angry ice son has shared an image [receipt#17.png]_

 

the lion: YURIO PLISETSKKKKHJWBIY

littleshit: tag ur self im ‘I guess my gaydar wasn't on or something’

one dad wonder: ‘aRe yoU reaLly thIs deNSe?’

official mom friend: ‘pining after viktor’

king-kong: …

the lion: ….

littleshit: “it was a really good bad idea”

official mom friend: stOP WITH THE WAITRESS QUOTES

littleshit: ‘deep shit blueberry bacon’

official mom friend: I REGRET GOING TO BROADWAY WITH YOU

one dad wonder: where did g-h and Leo go?

 

_**pm between the lion and king-kong** _

 

king-Kong: soOOO

king-kong: you thought I was straight?

the lion: yeah

king-kong: well to set the record, I'm bi

the lion: good to know 

king-kong: how was your date?

the lion: horrible. the guy was a red herring, and he was a total douche too.

king-kong: that sounds terrible

the lion: well

king-kong: yes?

the lion: word on the street is, you have a crush on me

king-kong: the street meaning yurio

the lion: yes, that's not the point!

king-kong: then what is?

the lion:ugh this is so hard

king-kong: just spit it out

the lion: I

the lion: uh

the lion: ivekindofhadthiscrushonyouforeversodoyouwanttomaybegooutwithme?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhangers ft leoji


	5. leoji is fixed, the meetup™ is planned, and phichit and yurio are gr9 detectives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey kids!
> 
> i need your opinion; should i write longer chapters but take longer to post them or shorter chapters but be faster? Because I wont be able to post like this forever. I've had this since late October- early November, so I've been posting pretty quickly.
> 
> also, I wanted an excuse to write non-text talk, so they will meet up. Also i just want leoji and otayuri to happen ffs. so plot devices it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to my actual fruit fam/pervotakus. love y'all. 
> 
> Here is my Christmas present to you guys. Even if you dont celebrate(like me!) i hope you have a good day!

the lion: like I mean it's totally fine if you don't want to because i can totally see why you wouldn't want to go out with me so I'm not pressuring you into anything I hope

king-Kong: LEO OMFG YES

king-kong: ive had this crush for months now

king-Kong: it would just be plain STUPID of me to say no

the lion: I'm actually crying

the lion: how will this work though? I mean, I live in America and you're all the way in China

king-kong: iDeAs! Let's go to the gc because this could involve all of us

 

‘the existential crisis free zone™’

one dad wonder: so that how my mom explained to me that Mpreg isn't possible unless you're trans, which I wasn't 

the lion: I don't want to know what this conversation entailed, so yeah

littleshit: LEO! where’s g-h? and what did you two do about the leoji drama?

the lion: I was getting to that. Guang-Hong said he had an idea?? And told me to come here

king-kong: yes I do!

king-Kong: okay hear me out-

king-kong: so xmas is coming up, right?

tiny angry ice son: yes. and?

king-Kong: what if we all met up together in one place? Like a big skating squad rendezvous?

littleshit: oh my gOD THIS IS A GR9 IDEA

littleshit: IM JEALOUS THAT I DIDNT COME UP WITH IT MYSELF

littleshit: IM THERE

official mom friend: We need details. Where would this be and for how long?

king-kong: I don't know. I just had a basic idea so we could plan this out together.

littleshit: I HAVE AN IDEA! WHAT IF WE GO TO NYC?

tiny angry ice son: tone it down, phichit. You are way to hype about this

phichit: TONE YOUR LIFE DOWN, YOU INSIGNIFICANT PIECE OF TEENAGE ANGST. IM ON CAPS LOCK MODE FOREVER BICH

 

tiny angry ice son has changed their name to insignificant teenage angst

insignificant teenage angst: thanks phichit

one dad wonder: phichit, that's actually a great idea. A big city must have lots of flights come in, so it should be easy to get there

official mom friend: how long?

one dad wonder: 2 weeks should be enough

the lion: I could to New York early since I'm closest. I have an aunt that lives there who has a house. She might be able to spare a few rooms if I ask. But I'll need to know how many of you are coming.

littleshit: I AM!1!!1!

one dad wonder: count me and yuuri in!

insignificant teenage angst: I'm going to regret this, but I'll come to

king-kong: of course I'm coming! We’ll be able to actually go on a date there!

littleshit: when the squad meet up planning goes perfectly

littleshit: OML YOU GUYA ARE DATING? YESSS I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW

littleshit: nvm guys close call I still have to make otayuri happen. 

insignificant teenage angst: well fuck you too, phichit. thanks for being subtle

littleshit: btw if we don't see Hamilton while we are ther, I'll stab a bitch

the lion: I'll assist him with that too becuase i just love musicals and tjeff and jajahanak

littleshit: ^ this is an accurate representation of me

littleshit: anywho, I gtg so bye!

king-Kong: bye!

 

(later in the day)

 

MARIjuana: wow oh wow,

i just wonder how,

the wurds fall in place like a sillohuet of kitty cauts,

jelly fish wearin' its hat,

mad hatter!

more like a rad hatter,

out to all the ghosts!

*dabs but doesn't dab*

DONTTOUCHSARA: RELATABLE 

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: I'm crying

milaLA: wtf the fuck did I just read?

insignificant teenage angst: tag yourself I'm “*dabs but doesn't dab*”

the lion: IDEK HOW YOU GUYS KNOW SO MANY MEMES BUT I'm def “wow oh wow”

one dad wonder: HEyO KIDS “more like rad hatter”

illchickenyournugget: if you were a fruit, what would you be? also “kitty cauts”

official mom friend: “jellyfish wearin’ it's hat” and im an apple

one dad wonder: I'm a grape for /obvious/ reasons

insignificant teenage angst: slimy, wrinkles when its under the sun for too long, and and has a thin layer of skin? yep, sounds like viktor

one dad wonder: I am yOUr fAthEr yoU doNt sPeAk to Me liKe thAt

official mom friend: apologize to your father NOW

insignificant teenage angst: sorry

 

official mom friend: that's what I thought

chrissyteigen: ooh look at mama yuuri slaying it

milaLA: tf? this was your first time in days coming on all you said was that?

chrissyteigen: it was also Mari and Minako’s first time in days and what they said was weirder

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: ngl I've been watching the whole time, lurking in the background

chrissyteigen: rt

MARIjuana: rt

Illchickenyournugget: retweeted

otaBEKA: rt

jj the king™: retweeted by your king

insignificant teenage angst: I hope you burn in the depths of hell for the rest of eternity, JJ. I've seen fetus pics. I know that you tried looking like Eric Cartman and failed miserably, you undeserving piece of shit. You are an uncultured, white cisgender heterosexual who uses his privilege to get to the top. You call yourself a king, when you are the horse dung that a peasant picks up. I would kill you, but it's frowned upon in all 50 US states. Having said that, burn in hell.

jj the king™: I

jj the king™: …

 

jj the king™ has left the chat

 

littleshit: omfg

the lion: ikr? HE USED A SET IT OFF LYRIC TO YELL AT JJ!

official mom friend: hey yuri?

insignificant teenage angst: yeah?

one dad wonder: you didn't mean everything you said, right?

insignificant teenage angst: I mean every character I typed

milaLA: wow okay this place has problems

milaLA: also I'll be able to go to NY 

the lion: so far the count is 6?

chrissyteigen: I'm def coming

littleshit: feel that? There's nothing more refreshing then plans coming together 

otaBEKA: I booked a flight

otaBEKA: I will be able to come as well

littleshit p: OTABEK! it's been so long! Some of us missed you, some more then others.

otaBEKA: that's nice to know

not an asshole: surprisingly I might be able to come. My sister has been begging my parents for months to go on a trip with me, and they finally said yes.

the lion: btw I might have forgotten to tell you, but my aunt is- used to be kind of a famous musician and she kinda has a really big house.

the lion: like REALLY big

the lion: but she doesn't really like peeps to rub it in because it reminds her of the olden days when she was famous

king-kong: that explains where your love of music came from!

the lion: all of my family really likes music. They tried getting me into it, but skating called me. Anyways, have you guys actually booked your tickets or packed? because my flight is leaving tomorrow and Tía Miranda(my aunt) is getting the house ready for us

one dad wonder: yep! We got a flight out of Japan that leaves on Friday, so we have a bit of time

tiny angry ice son: me and Mila are leaving on Thursday. But I think we have to overlap in Canada, so we might come early on Friday

littleshit: im coming Sunday, since the last flight to NY left yesterday

the lion: sounds great! also minami I'm a tangerine, but why would you ask?

illchickenyournugget: I want to start a fruit fam. The anime gods have declared that i am unworthy unless I do. 

insignificant teenage angst: im guacamole 

littleshit: eew no get that away from me I hate avocados

 

littleshit has changed their name to avocaNOs

 

avocaNOs: me too

milaLA: why are you guys like this?

milaLA: literally the weirdest stuff ever gets talked about here, and I just don't want it. I'm adding my gf because I can

milaLA has added sarawithoutanH

sarawithoutanH: why

avocaNOs: TBH she's been here the whole time. I'm like 90% sure she’s using Mickey’s phone.

sarawithoutanH: what? No, I would never!

insignificant teenage angst: sounds like something someone who stole their brothers phone would say

sarawithoutanH: what are you two, detectives or something?

 

avocaNOs has changed their name to Sherlock

Sherlock has changed insignificant teenage angst to JAWN

 

Sherlock: I'm the only consulting detective in the world

JAWN: wow, mickey’s sounding awfully quiet

DONTTOUCHSARA: PRESENT

Sherlock: now he answered to fast. Sara probably has both their phones.

JAWN: curious

one dad wonder: wow, yuri is actually participating for once! w/o complaining too! 

milaLA: actually Georgi has his phone. Yuri’s asleep rn

JAWN: don't tell them that!

Sherlock: //shock and disappointment//and here I was, thinking yurio had finally learned to play along.

Sherlock has changed their name to hamsterlover666

hamsterlover666: finally, something that isnt a lie

hamsterlover666: tbh my whole life is a lie

milaLA: sameeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this isnt funny i dont know why anyone reads this trash.


	6. crossdressing, viktor ruins everything, and the fleece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two things;  
> 1) this book got 1k hits?? I don't deserve this? It might not seem like much, but it's my first fanfic posted on AO3, so my ego is feeling pretty good about itself 
> 
> 2) I successfully didn't use the ™ symbol at all this whole chapter! WHOO LETS HEAR IT FOR SELF-RESTRAINT!
> 
> other then that, this chapter is a short one. I'll keep updating till I run out of stuff to post. Then I'll probably write more till this fic successfully becomes a big meme.
> 
> Are you proud of me, mom? This is why you carried me around for 9 months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to a guest in the comments, GreenTeaMan! They commented, I replied and called them 'TeaKid™' and now they do it too?? I feel so accomplished??
> 
> But anyways, comments and critiques are appreciated and if you want to scream about anything, I'll try replying as quick as I can.

JAWN: okay two things

JAWN: first of all, why is my name JAWN?

JAWN: second of all, who wants to see a picture of Mila crossdressing?

one dad wonder: Georgi and WHY IS MILA CROSSDRESSING?

one dad wonder: I mean, no hate to cross dressers and draggers, I watched all the seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race with yuuri

official mom friend: damn right you did #teamalaskathunderfuck5000 

king-kong: Mila is that russian skater, right?

JAWN: yeah. And we were playing truth or dare on the plane, and she was feeling bold

JAWN: wrong choice

  
_JAWN has shared a photo [dareordare.jpg]_

  
the lion: I feel like all you kids ever do is bet and play childish games made for sleepovers

milaLA: so this is what you've been doing, yuratchka

milaLA: my trust has been betrayed. time to use the receipt™

  
_milaLA has shared a photo [yuria.jpg]_

  
milaLA: how does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine, yuria?

official mom friend: viktor is currently laughing and disrupting the people next to us on the plane who are TRYING to sleep

official mom friend: was that red lipstick? And high heels? ahahaha-viktor

JAWN: I thought we agreed to never speak of that again!

illchickenyournugget: I really want to know the story behind that photo

chrissyteigen: yeah! Like why wasn't I invited to drag?

milaLA: you'll need Georgi to explain

  
milaLA has added Георги to the _chat_

  
Георги: finally I was added

milaLA: please explain what happened on the-night-that-shall-not-be-named™

Георги: yuri insulted Anya

Георги: I was taking my revenge

Георги: I may have gotten him drunk and suggested for him to put on drag

Георги: he's very agreeable as a drunk

official mom friend: I'm cacklign

JAWN: at least I didn't strip at a banquet and dance on a stripper pole, YUURI

chrissyteigen: I did too!

JAWN: I still don't know how you got one in there, TBH

JAWN: but I think we're distracted from the real thing. Mila could totally pass as a man, right?

not an asshole: Leo, we've landed. Can you text me the address to the place?

the lion: Sure! It's 427 Danish Rd. Just look for the big house.

not an asshole: thankfully, I convinced my sister not to come with me

not an asshole: I'm sure all she'd do is cock-block you guys anyways

chrissyteigen: why, are you trying to get in on some action with phishit?

hamsterlover666: tf why would you think that?

not an asshole: guys omfg look

  
_not_ _an_ _asshole_ _has_ _shared_ _an_ _image_ [ _thisisamansion_. _png_ ]

  
official mom friend: wait

official mom friend: is that where we’re staying?

the lion: yeah! that's my aunt’s house 

hamsterlover666: Leo de la Iglesia

hamsterlover666: you did not tell us we were staying in a mansion

the lion: don't rub it in, remember?

not an asshole: open the door I am here

hamsterlover666: ur so blunt, s-g! you need to be polite!

not an asshole: fine. please open the door, I am here. better?

hamsterlover666: way better

one dad wonder: so when is the wedding?

hamsterlover666: we aRenT DAtING ffS

one dad wonder: but you're the only one who he listens to. yuri, plan #3C. observe;

JAWN: you need to be more polite, s-g

not an asshole: shut up and don't tell me what to do. also don't call me s-g

one dad wonder: but he LISTENS to you! v big difference here

one dad wonder: i’d be surprised if you two weren't already dating

official mom friend: and so, viktor single-handedly ruins a budding friendship by making the two notice that they act different around each other vs other friends *claps*

JAWN: great job, viktor *clapping intensifies*

king-kong: wHOOO OH YEAH GR9 JOB VICKY BOI

one dad wonder: I'm using all of my self control not to change my name to Nicky Boi

not an asshole: usually I'm not one to go on and on, but this place is amazing

  
_not_ _an_ _asshole_ _has_ _shared_ _a_ _photo_ [ _foyet_? _morelikefoYAY_. _jpg_ ]

 

hamsterlover666: aww you have a suitcases with dogs all over it? that’s cute!

one dad wonder: more like you think he's cute but you both are so gay for each other you're too scared to admit it

otaBEKA: I feel like all you guys ever do is try to get people to date, bet, and meme

JAWN: ngl but that is the most accurate description I've heard of this place ever

  
_JAWN_ _has_ _changed_ the _name_ _of_ _the_ _chat_ _to_ ‘ _matchmakers_ , _bets_ , _and_ _memes_ ’

_JAWN has changed their name to ‘#1 memer’_

 

#1 memer: now that that's settled, can we all be silent until we land?

milaLA: we're currently in ny, so we'll be there in like 30 minutes. Leo, would you mind picking us up?

the lion: sure. text me when you guys land.

hamsterlover666: is anyone else freaked out by how well this plan came together? It's really weird that we could all find flights easily.

Георги: maybe it was...

Георги: the fleece!

#1 memer: not this shit again

official mom friend: what are the fleece?

Георги: not what, WHO

#1 memer: ugh, now look what you did piggy, you got him started. I'm trying to get this jet lag off before I pass out from exhaustion 

 

_#1 memer has muted the chat_

 

Георги: he just doesn't believe

Георги: the fleece are the ones who stalk you on the internet. they are the ones who watch you when no one else is around. they know all your secrets. they are waiting in the shadows, waiting to reduce the world's population to 0 and re-populate it with lizards before finally blowing it up to the entertainment of aliens. the fuckers. shit I'm sorry fleece, I didn't mean it

Георги: basically, they are alien reality tv show producers

official mom friend: what are you on? you sound worse than viktor after a few glasses of champagne 

one dad wonder: offended. lmao, imagine alien keeping up w/ the kardashians

Георги: ssssh they're listening

illchickenyournugget: this is why I'm never on 

minaFUCKALLYOBITCHESko: meh, they can get worse then this. just get yuuri and chris drunk. 

milaLA: he thought all this up one time when he was moping over Anya (drunk), and ever since then he spreads the word to anyone he meets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
>  
> 
> the meetup™ is coming


	7. phibitch and his fanbase, sassy otabek, and cute fluff?*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyy first chapter with normal format!
> 
> Also otabek being friends with s-g is one of my headcannons. Plus sassy otabek, but yeah. I know it kinda diverges from canon but eh.
> 
> Also can we just clap at the comments section for a moment? All the peeps down there are so nice and gracious and I just- hakbanfmdmjs Ilysm??? You guys are so nice?? Shout to those kiddos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for how fluffy this got. The romance is cringy because I don't know how people would act in one?? I've never dated someone?? I'm lonely??
> 
> So yeah, please don't be too harsh.

the lion: so I'm just going to do a headcount now. correct me if I'm wrong

the lion: s-g, yurio, mila, yuuri, viktor, plus sara and michele are driving towards the house at this moment

hamsterlover666: I'm on a plane rn! going to be there tmrw, so don't party to hard w/o me!

milaLA: wait, Michele is coming??

one dad wonder: why, you thought you’d be alone with your gf?

milaLA: yeah, pretty much. michele stalks us whenever we're alone together and kills the mood. you know he has us on a strict 12 kisses a day limit?

#1 memer: wait he limited the amount of times you can kiss her?

milaLA: y e s. It's only self restraint that makes me not SHOVE his head so far up HIS ass he'd be coughing dandruff for four fucking months

hamsterlover666: kinky (wink-wonk)

milaLA: also knowing that Sara would break up with me if I did that. But why is he coming?

sarawithoutanH: I had to drag him along. I took his phone for a week, so he almost didn't know about it.

hamsterlover666: 2 things; numero uno, why didn't you just delete him out of the chat? and two, you do reALIZE YOU JUST ADIMTTED TO STEALING HIS OHINE AND SENDING ALL THOSE MEMES, RIGHT?

sarawithoutanH: I wasn’t added into the chat, thanks to some people

DONTTOUCHSARA: she's glaring at her phone btw

DONTTOUCHSARA: also please open the gate Leo, we’re here!

hamsterlover666: ARE YOU GUYS IGNORING ME?

#1 memer: *cough* and all your crackpot theories*cough*

hamsterlover666: WE WERE DETECTIVING TOGETHER

hamsterlover666: WE HaD A BONDING MOMeNT! I CrAdLeD yOu iN mY ArMs!

official mom friend: did you just quote voltron

hamsterlover666: I hAvE tHe ReCiEptS

 

_hamsterlover666 has shared a photo [reciept#86.jpeg]_

 

#1 memer: that was Georgi!

hamsterlover666: that's not what my 2.4 million followers on instagram will think…

hamsterlover666: so apologize now so I can have more receipts!

#1 memer: do it, I dare you phibitch

 

_hamsterlover666 has changed their name to phibitch_

 

Георги: if we're being honest, I don't regret anything that I did on yuri’s phone

milaLA: including sending undying love confessions to otabek?

otaBEKA: I'm actually surprised that georgi of all people ships us

 

_#1 memer has changed their name to ctkg_

 

otaBEKA: what does that stand for?

ctkg: coalition to kill georgi

one dad wonder: everything's a dildo if you try hard enough

chrissyteigen: haha hard enough ahahaha

official mom friend: this is why I hate my life. All my friends are either meme trash, dirty sinners, or stoic unfeeling bad asses. almost all of us are gay, so that's about it.

ctkg: noice. so are they imaginary and invisible? Because I've never seen them before, much less met them.

king-Kong: so for those of you not in NY, viktor and yuuri are crying and hugging, saying they raised their son badly. yuri is looking smug

ctkg: damn right i am

phibitch: done and done. I posted the picture, yuri! I hope you like the influx of fans and fan fiction!

ctkg: and that good feeling is gone

 

  
_ctkg has changed their name to phichitwillburninhell_

 

  
phichitwillburninhell has muted the chat

 

illchickenyournugget: you guys are a fun bunch

 

**_  
pm between otaBEKA and not an asshole_ **

 

  
not an asshole: so you and the russian fairy, huh

otaBEKA: we’re not dating. you know this

not an asshole: That doesn't mean you don't want to date him. I've seen the looks you've sent his way. Just because we haven't hung out in years doesn't mean I don't know my own friend.

otaBEKA: I won't deny it, but he doesn't have feelings for me. It's obvious I'm just a friend to him

otaBEKA: but you and phichit

otaBEKA: what's happening with you two

not an asshole: I don't know. One day he just pops out of nowhere in my living room and invites me to lunch

not an asshole: I don't even know HOW he got to Korea from wherever he was

otaBEKA: I know you are a raging homosexual

otaBEKA: I knew about your crush on he-who shall not be named

not an asshole: and?

otaBEKA: do you like phichit or not

not an asshole: eh

otaBEKA: you aren't jj

not an asshole: ok fine I might be just a little infatuated with him

otaBEKA: mhmm what did I say?

not an asshole: you can't blame me! He's just so nice and always trying to be friends with everyone. I would never be able to do that. I mean, they're our competitors, for goodness sake.

otaBEKA: I think he likes you back, thinking back to it now. I have a plan to find out

not an asshole: well, I'll get both you and yuri to admit your feelings before this trip is over

not an asshole: and otabek?

otaBEKA: yeah?

not an asshole: it's nice to talk to you again

otaBEKA: likewise, my friend, likewise

  
‘ ** _matchmakers, bets and memes’_**

one dad wonder: so that's how I defeated an assassin from the Russian Mafia with only a spoon, a roll of duct tape and my amazing dabbing skills

king-kong: I oddly don't regret the 7 minutes spent to tell that tale

one dad wonder: ;)

official mom friend: VIKTOR!

one dad wonder: YUURI, MY ONE TRUE LOVE

official mom friend: are we still doing ‘operation marinette’s awkward voicemail’?™

one dad wonder: you bet your 2 gold medals we are    

illchickenyournugget: what's that?

phibitch:: I recognize marinette as a character from MLB

king-kong: Major League Baseball?

phibitch: no, Miraculous Ladybug: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. It's a show yuuri watches

one dad wonder: i have to admit, it's grown on me

official mom friend: it's better than your obsession with voltron

official mom friend: oh look, yuri wants to be added back. should I?

one dad wonder: no. teach him a lesson. we need to discipline our son

otaBEKA: IM NOT YOUR SON! and let me back in you fuckers. -yuri

otaBEKA has added phichitwillburninhell to the chat

phichitwillburninhell: I will exact my revenge on phichit when he gets to New York

phibitch: weehawken. dawn. guns drawn.

phichitwillburninhell: stop with the references

\---

Yuuri laughed at the last text he got from the group chat, then looked up at the owner of the chest he was currently leaning on. Viktor’s face was lit up by the screen of his phone. His eyes were shining with mirth, and his face was softened. He was smiling and Yuuri couldn't help but notice the dimple on his left cheek. Yuuri lifted a finger to press into the indent, and Viktor looked down at him. He felt a burst of affection right then, meeting Viktor's eyes. It seemed Viktor felt it too, as he put down his phone and leaned down to kiss him. At the last moment, Yuuri turned his face and the kiss landed on his nose. They both stared at each other and started giggling. 

 

Yuuri swore that he would try to hear that sound everyday if he could. 

 

  "So how are you planning on stealing Phichit's phone? He loves that thing as much as his hamsters, if not more." Viktor questioned softly, leaning back onto the headboard of the bed in the guest room Leo's aunt had offered to the couple.

 "I don't know. Maybe I'll just take Seung-Gil's. He would be much easier to steal from. All I need you to do is focus on taking Yuri's phone." Yuri supplied thoughtfully, turning around to face Viktor, still on his lap.

 "Whatever you say, my expert thief. You did steal my heart, after all."

 "Damn that was smooth as fuck!" An unknown voice called from the door. Both heads swiveled in that direction, only to find Leo staring at the pair. He blushed lightly under their gaze.

 "Um, I came to tell you guys that we're meeting downstairs so me and my aunt can give you guys a tour. I'm going to go tell the others, so finish whatever.. this.. was." He trailed on, gesturing to them on the bed.  "We meet downstairs in five!" He turned around, walking quickly to the next room.

  "That was close. You think he heard anything?" Viktor questioned. 

  "Nah. Even so, I highly doubt he would tell. I really want them to find someo- something like we have."

  "Aww, you really are amazing, моя любовь." Viktor said, his infatuation shining in his eyes.

 Yuuri was blushing, though he didn't understand the pet name. "You know I'm still blaming you if they find out."

 "Ah, I thought my wooing had finally one you over from your mean ways." Viktor pouted, before softly saying "I love you."

And Yuuri wasn't hesitant in saying "I love you too, Viktor"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm just going to go so yeah bye 100%
> 
> моя любовь= my love
> 
> *whispers* also since s-g's sis couldn't make it I'll have Leo cockblocking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i KNOW ITS been years
> 
> but I am awoke 
> 
> anywho this is the last chapter. Chap 9 will be an epilogue of sorts. I'll have it up sometime in a few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omf so I found out pineapples grow from the ground?? And I'm SHOOK?! so phichit is me in a sense. but when I announce it to my gc, everyone is calm
> 
> THE KRUSTY KRAB IS UNFAIR

phibitch: so apparently tomatoes are fruits???

not an asshole: ...and pineapples grow from the ground? your point is?

official mom friend: phichit, we've been th- wait wHAT THE FUCK S-G

phibitch: PINEAPPLES DO NOT GROW FROM THE GROUND?? THEY GEOW FROM TREES??

 

not an asshole: no, they grow from the ground?? how do you explain this????[notatree.png]

 

phichitwillburninhell: so I came back to tell y'all to shut up but hOLY FUCK ARE YOUR PHOTOSHOP SKILLS GOOD

not an asshole: um that isn't photoshopped

phibitch: but they don't grow from the ground? Also A+ photoshop skills

not an asshole: iT’s NoT phOtOshOp

phibitch: then let's ask our resident photoshopper. leo, thoughts?

the lion: it's not photoshop. pineapples do grow from the ground. I have some in my backyard

phibitch: whats that? you are an unreliable source so we can't trust you?? whatever you say, leo 

official mom friend: this is what happens when you get phichit started. it's his way, or the highway

chrissyteigen: can you two stop your flirting? like it's cute, but some of us really need beauty sleep. take yurio as an example.

tiny angry ice son: you do realize I could roast your ass like a barbecue pit on July 4th

the lion: once again, I don't know why you know these American™ things but okay

one dad wonder: chris stop coming at my son

chrissyteigen: well I was coming at someone else last night

phibitch: *gasp* THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!

chrissyteigen: no there aren't. Yuri’s 19

phibitch: *INNOCENT CINNAMON BUNS HERE!!!

chrissyteigen: I don't think minami’s on rn

phibitch: oh rly? then you're free to sin wherever you want, as long as it's at least a 50 mile radius from my house

phibitch: also s-g’s since I'm sworn to protect him now

official mom friend: ooooh when did this happen? ~. o .~ (that was an eyebrow wiggle)

phibitch: yesterday, when s-g was freaking out over a, and I quote, “huge ass spide- EEEEeeK ITS MOVING TOWARDS ME HURRY UP PHICHIT”

phibitch: for a guy who pretends like he has very few feelings, he can get very descriptive when in fear

not an asshole: slander and lies. I simply called you in to show you how that particular spider looked beautiful. From a very far distance.

the lion: sure jan

the lion: speAKING OF MEMES

the lion: I FOUND SG’S TUMBLR BLOG AND ITS BEAUTIFUL 

phibitch: WhY wAs I nOt alErTed riGhT awAy,,, LeO??

milaLA: if you don't share the link rn I think phichit and everyone else on here will actually explode

phibitch: I NeeD thE reCiEptS!!1! LeO I WiLL MUrdEr yOu iF iT isNt seNt riGht.

phibitch: tHis.

phibitch: mOmEnt.

not an asshole: DECEPTION! DISGRACE! 

not an asshole: yes I am in fact meMEiNg to distract you from Leo but

not an asshole: this is too much cringe for me to bear

the lion: almost as much as harambe’s death was on you?

 

the lion has shared a screenshot [exposehim.jpeg]

 

king-Kong: lmao this is beautiful 

phichitwillburninhell: I'd feel bad for you, but this is gold

phibitch: I'm walking towards your room right now, Leo. Prepare to die.

not an asshole: that sentence actually had correct grammar. rip you 

official mom friend: rip leo, our friend who died three years ago on this day

the lion: GUYS I HEAR FOOTSTEPS OUTSIDE MY DOOR

official mom friend: sometimes I still hear his voice

the lion: SAVE MEhdjshanayyy??/?

the lion: jskajajhi guys it's jsjakana leo here,,, ready to dealKNan share linskaa links

phibitch: wow thanks leo! I really appreciate you sharing links!

the lion: nO prOblEm!

official mom friend: this is actually really unsettling to read

official mom friend: sOmeOnE should probably go check on Leo

king-kong: oh he's fine. he's just currently wrapped in a blanket, and gagged. I think

chrissyteigen: oooh kinky

the lion: I'm PerFectLy pEaChy guYs dw 

 

phibitch has sent 4 photos [omfg.jpeg, ripsg.jpg, angsty12yrold.jpg, imdead.jpg]

 

not an asshole: memes:memed

not an asshole: tumblr: posted

not an asshole: seung-gil lee: exposed

phibitch: hoe don't do it

not an asshole: _i am forcibly removed from chat_

 

not an asshole has left the chat

 

phibitch: oh my god

DONTTOUCHSARA: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jbj9eFTnPJI

illchickenyournugget: I barely understand English 

illchickenyournugget: but all of this is too much for me to handle

 

Illchickenyournugget has left the chat

 

phichitwillburninhell: fuck you all, and see you kids in hell

 

phichitwillburninhell has left the chat

 

king-kong: is this a thing we're doing? 

official mom friend: idk but I'm scared

 

DONTTOUCHSARA has left the chat

sarawithoutanH has left the chat

 

milaLA: tbh I'm over this

one dad wonder: but Mila!

milaLA: gots to do what the missus says

 

milaLA has left the chat

 

otaBEKA: yuri is gone, so….

otaBEKA: sorry but suddenly a very urgent thing came up and

otaBEKA: excuse

 

otaBEKA has left the chat 

 

king-kong: well, this has been an adventure. from the beginning to its brutal, brutal end.

phibitch: NOT YOU TOO GUANG HONG

king-Kong: as a wise man once said,

king-king: according to all known laws of aviation, a bee shouldn't be able to fly. It's wings are too small to get its fat little body of the ground. But bees don't care what humans think is possible, so the bee flys anyways. black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, yellow and black, oooooh, let's shake it up a little.

 

king-Kong has left the chat

 

phibitch: spoken like a true king

official mom friend: so it's not you, me and Victor 

phibitch: what happened to georgi, Mari and minako?

one dad wonder: they were all removed. 

official mom friend: how long has it been since you started this? 

phibitch: a month?? idk i lost track

phibitch: I'll never make a successful group chat

one dad wonder: then what did you call this? chopped stomach?

official mom friend: chopped liver, love

one dad wonder: ty, but the POINT IS, this was a successful group chat. Sure, we may have all downgraded a bit on it, but it was still important. It was ours. It put smiles on our faces, whether it was yuri complaining, or g-h and Leo memeing. it made us laugh, it got relationships started, hell, it got us to meet up in New York for god's sake. So this is something to look back on, to smlie about, not to use as an example of failure. 

phibitch: thank you, Victor. 

phibitch: I think I understand what you're saying

one dad wonder: all in a days work

 

one dad wonder has left the chat 

 

official mom friend: are you sure you know what you're doing, phichit?

phibitch: yeah, I do.

official mom friend: okay. finish what you're going to do, then answer the Skype call. 

phibitch: whatever you say, mama yuuri. go on without me.

 

official mom friend has left the chat

 

phibitch: well

phibitch: it's just you and me, chat.

phibitch: ….

 

phibitch has saved the chat

phibitch: BEAT THAT, YURI. THATS LIKE 50 RECIEPTS RIGHT THERE

 

phibitch: ….

phibitch has deleted the chat “it's a mess”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All good things must end. So do shitposts."  
> -Me, probably

**Author's Note:**

> ...  
>  yeah im a mEsS whaT aRe yOu goiNg tO dO aBouT It?


End file.
